When Opportunity Knocks....or kicks you in the gut

On Tuesday of this week I was slapped in the face by words I never thought I would hear: we're letting you go. 

Fired.
Terminated.
Canned.

I no longer had a job.

Now what?

I had fought so hard for my job.  I wanted it.  I had had two similar opportunities yanked out from under me over previous years.  This one was mine.  And it was. 

I have always been a damn hard worker, often, almost, to a fault.  I am 14 years into this industry and still enjoy it. 

But after this recent life change do I still enjoy it?
Is this what I'm really meant to be doing with my life?

In my last post I spoke about exploring the idea of volunteering abroad.  That notion blossomed from an overwhelming feeling I've had lately that I need to be doing more with my life.  I feel I need to be doing something that matters, that makes a difference, that some how contributes to the greater good. 

And yet at the same time I have found it difficult to fully embrace this notion.  These past few years have felt like a constant struggle.  I don't think I recall a period in there where things felt lighter, dare I say easier.  It feels like it has been a continuous uphill battle, and as soon as it feels like things might be leveling out the climb gets steeper. 

These past few days I have found it difficult to not curl up in a ball and forget the world exists.  I have cried more times than I care to admit; the kind of crying that comes from deep within.  The feeling of anxiety riddled panic is one I am becoming familiar with.  I try to keep the voice in my head that tells me I am in big trouble quiet.  I try to remind myself that I will figure this out, like I always do.  However, this is easier said than done.  It is too easy to succumb to the fear, the worry, the panic.  It is too easy to let myself slip into their grip.  Part of the process is to let myself feel these things but not for too long. 

This morning on Facebook one of my aunts sent me my horoscope as found in the Globe and Mail today:

"Today's solar eclipse means a new start in your career or vocation is not just possible but desirable, too. If your present position does not satisfy you or bring the rewards you desire then now is the time for a change."

I always finding it interesting when a horoscope is eerily accurate.  It is strange to me how these words written by who knows who can resonate so clearly.  

To put it bluntly getting fired sucks.  It just plain old sucks.  However, it is also allowing for a new opportunity to present itself.  I have said I want a change in my life, perhaps this is the Universe's way of giving it to me.