Commitment Phobe?

My friend, a girl from work, calls herself a commitment phobe. She had been dating this guy for a couple of months and just this morning they made it official. She is slightly anxious, but otherwise good with moving ahead with being in a relationship.

A two and a half years ago I met this guy. We went on a few dates spanned over about 6 weeks. He was clearly far more into me than I was him. I eventually told him I wasn't feeling the same way he was. I stopped hearing from him after that.

A few months go by and he re-requests me on Facebook. So I add him. We chat on FB chat thing a few times a week. He asks if we could go for coffee sometime. I find a reason not to go.

Just before Christmas he says "Hey, you do know that we've kept in touch after all this time, right?". Hmmm....I honestly hadn't given any thought to it but yeah, we have kept in touch after our brief dating stint. I see the point he is making. He continues asking to go for coffee. I keep putting him off. Wash, rinse, repeat. He has even gone so far as to say "I don't know why, but i still like you" - the "I don't know why" because I keep putting him off. He is persistant if nothing else. He joked "we could be married with kids by now".

Then tonight as I'm driving home from work I thought: what if I'M the commitment phobe this time?

I firmly believe when we first met it was a matter of poor timing. I wasn't ready to date someone. And at that time, because of not being ready, didn't develop feelings for him.

He's not exactly my type, but is a good guy. Has a good job, just recently built a house...he's got his shit together. What if I keep putting him off because I'm afraid it might actually work out? Because he's a good guy, am I afraid it may turn into something serious?

Sure sounds like a commitment phobe to me.

Not much to report

-am housesitting this week for my aunt and uncle while they are away in Florida. Looking forward to having my own space for a week. I enjoy my roomies but having my own space, and quiet will be nice.

-cut ties (not that there was much for ties in place) with a guy I had been talking to. And it sounds like it may have been the right decision: he seems a little, um, unstable.

-am talking to another guy. We have many things in common, which is kinda strange. He's, physically, more the kind of guy I gravitate to: he's 6'2" and just a big guy. And yes by big I do mean BIG...he is overweight, which isn't exactly what I'm going for, but he looks like a big teddy bear! And he has a cat, named Buddy. Who doesn't love a cat named Buddy? ;-) Oh, and bonus points: he doesn't live with his parents, unlike Mr. Unstable. Yes, he lives in the same apartment building as them, however he doesn't live WITH them.

-I have a midterm to write next week for my course. I don't want to. I don't want to study. I suck at writing tests as I don't absorb the info. And of course the exam is all essay questions. Awesome. I can't wait for this course to be over. I like the idea of school but once I'm there I hate it. There is a part 2 of this course that at this point I'm unsure if I'll actually do.

-Work continues to go well. My responsibility level and workload has gotten bigger, which is fine. It at least gives me something to do instead of staring at the wall for 8hrs a day.

-Still seeing a chiropractor, and am still poor because of it. Thankfull we're down to one visit a week instead of twice a week. She is quite pleased with the results. Things aren't quite where she wants them yet but progress is being made. As I'm still very tight I need to enlist the help of a massage therapist. However my chiro has said I release better now, and things are staying put between visits. My headaches have decreased, which is good. I still have them but I get one or two a week instead of having a headache daily. So things are definitely going in the right direction.

-As I mentioned in my other post I ordered a new lens for my camera, and am quite excited about it. It'll be a few weeks before it gets here though. I can't wait to play with it and see what kind of results I can get with it. Still hunting for decent photo editting software that is either free (preferrable) or cheap.

-I love my brother's gf, I really do, however she makes me crazy. Yesterday I see she was no longer on Facebook. Bells go off in my head. In the past his or her involvement (or lack thereof) on Facebook has been an indicator of problems in their relationship. So when I see she's not on FB anymore I start thinking the worst. So I shoot off a text to my brother asking if everything is OK. He doesn't respond. Is no news good news? I worry all day. She's threatened to pack up and take the kids a few times in the past, so I jump to conclusions thinking this is what is happening. I'm terrified I won't see my nieces again. I log in this morning, and she's back on FB. Ok, that must be a good sign. I just wish she wasn't so off kilter that when stuff like this happened we all didn't panic and get worried.

And I think that is all for this post...

Calling all photographical friends

A friend of mine has recently been sending me batches of photos she's taken of her kids over the years asking me to "do with them as I wish". I've tweaked the color on them all, gave the focus a bit of help that sort of stuff. I've also had fun playing with converting them to black and white for her, sepia, adding text to them....that kind of stuff.

As I'm chatting with her on MSN about what she'd like done to them she asks if I'd be willing to come by her house one day this summer to do a shoot with her kiddlets. I immediately said yes - I love her and her kids are pretty fantastic too. And she's got a huge yard, and is close to a beach so I'm sure we'll have plent of backdrop to make use of Sounds like fun! And my first actual shoot.

And then panic.

Kids. Kids are humans. I don't do photos of humans. I haven't gained the talent of knowing a good human shot. Lighting. The right moment. Location. Flowers. I take photos of flowers. They cooperate 100% of the time. They're not free thinking beings with 4 second attention spans. eeepppp.....

So, all you photographical types out there: are there any resources, either online or in book form, to help me learn to photograph people? I don't want to have to buy any fancy gear to do this. It'll just be me, her kids and my Nikon with its kit 18-55mm lens. (though I am very close to purchasing a Lensbaby!!) Yeah, I've managaged a few decent shots of my nieces, but somehow its different with a friend's kids. With my nieces I take the photos just for the sake of taking them. They're for me. If they don't turn out then thats fine. I don't have someone banking on them turning out, ya know.

I also wanted to ask you all what you use for photo editting. I use a freebie online since I can't afford photoshop right now - even though I'd really like to have it. I tried downloading Photoscape yesterday but kept getting a weird error message.

I know I have lots of time before this will actually take place, but the sooner I start learning the better it'll be.

ETA: and by close to ordering a Lensbaby I mean: I JUST ORDERED IT! Apparently waking up at 5am and not being able to get back to sleep only leads to online shopping! And now amazon.com will ship it to Canada (previous times I looked they wouldn't ship it up to me so I was going to ship it to my cousin in IN and then have her ship it to me....so much easier this way)! I ordered the Muse, with a case for it and an aperture kit. SO. EXCITED!

Spare me the details

I'm generally known as the person people can come to to talk about whatever their little hearts desire. Fine. Its always been that way, and I really don't mind, most of the time. I don't always have advice to give back, which is OK. Sometimes its just nice to know you've got someone to go to. And often its just for general rambling.

I have noticed lately there has been a theme, a common topic among my talkers. The topic, you ask?

Sex.

I can always tell when the topic is going to be sex related. It usually starts with them saying something like "I did something bad".

I like sex. You, presumably, like sex. Most everyone likes sex.
I've done it. You, again presumably, have done it. Lots of people have done it.
I've been known to talk about it. I'm sure you've talked about it. Lots of people have talked about it.

However, I have to draw the line when it gets down to the nitty gritty details.
I have one girl at work who has deemed it OK to give me all the details of her sessions with her *uck buddy. I'm not talking "yeah, last night was good" I'm talking what she did, what he did, how many times she, well yeah...you ge the picture.......she even went so far as to tell me his manlihood is pierced and exactly what that felt like. Oh, and don't forget his magic tongue ring.

Seriously. Even after telling her I didn't want to know these details she kept right on going. She even laughed when I told her to knock it off. Seriously?!

Why? Why do some people think its OK to share these details? Like I was telling a good friend of mine: if it were her and I having that convo it wouldn't have been all that strange. But someone I'm not really friends with outside of work? Strange. Definitely strange. And most definitely awkward.

Perfect

I've been editting some photos for a friend. She had a few and sent them my way to retouch and do with as I pleased. I've done just that and added some sayings and quotes to them for her. As these are photos of her children I've been searching for quotes about children. In searching I found this quote:


"After a girl is grown, her little brothers - now her protectors - seem like big brothers." -Astrid Alauda

This sums up my relationship with my brothers perfectly.

My brothers are 4 years and 13 years, respectively, my juniors. It has been the past 2 years that I have noticed a shift. Though they are chronologically my little brothers, they are now my big brothers. They are both fiercely protective of me. They both say any guy I meet is going to have to meet their approval before they get my parents' approval - instead of having my father waiting at the door with a, hypothetical, shotgun I have two brothers. And goodness help anyone who should mistreat me.

They are my little-big brothers, I love them to the end of the earth. I'm hugely proud of each of them and are proud to call them mine.

yadda yadda

Another rambling, no real purpose post....

*saw my nieces yesterday for the first time since Christmas. Winter got in the way of several attempts. The 4 year old wanted all my attention all the time. The 4 month old cried bloody murder if I so much as looked at her. Toward the end of the visit Miss M decided I wasn't so bad afterall. I got a few cute photos of her...check out FB for them.

*still got my head in the books with my online course. Did well on my second test: another 92%. My assignments aren't going so well, however: and of course they're worth the largest chunk of my overall mark. My midterm is in a few weeks, and the very thought terrifies me.

*my friend has calmed down a bit over her wedding. She's still in full on planning mode but she's toned it down a few notches. Now her concerns is making sure she has sufficient decor for her reception.

*I'm going to see U2 this summer! Tickets go on sale, officially, this morning, however thanks to N and her Twittering she caught wind of a promo code for a presale that took place yesterday! So, tickets we've got! Can't wait!

*I'm tired of winter. I'm tired of people reminding me its only early Feb and we do live in "the great white north". I don't care. I'm tired of it. I want to move somewhere that is 18 degrees, sunny and fall all the time!

*I recently started seeing a Chiropractor (not sure if I mentioned that in my last post). I think its going to take awhile to get used to the cracking sound. I realize I'm not actually cracking, that its the gas in the joints escaping, however a small part of me thinks, everytime, "oh god, my head is going to snap off". Illogical, I know. After a flop Dr visit my aunt suggested I see her chiropractor to attempt to help with my headache issues. Since I've seen her I've had 2 headaches, instead of a headache a day, all day. So after only 2 visits something seems to be working. Though I am secretly hoping the snow storm hits hard today so I can cancel my appointment. Its hard on the bank account. Yes I get reimbursed through my health benefits at work. Its just hard to pay for it upfront then wait for the return. So I am hoping I can cancel today, and blame it on the weather, and just go on Thurs afternoon instead. Its doubly hard that she wants to see me twice a week for the time being...thats $100 a week I dont' really have.

*work continues to go well. Every year we have a large conference in for 3 days. They're fun, I really enjoy the organizers and the delegates (they're a group of recovering addicts). This year I had 3 on the organizing committee actually ask that I work that weekend. Last year I had a blast with them, and they apparently loved me as they wrote a nice letter to the management saying how fab they thought I was. So they've requested I work that weekend (one guy even said it wouldn't be the same without me). So I sent my boss an email explaining to her they've asked I be scheduled and can we make sure I'm on that weekend and not scheduled off. She forwared my email to the other supervisor who was working on the schedule last night. Now I'm concerned he thinks I'm tooting my own horn. But, whatev. They want me there, I'll make sure I'm there. I wouldn't miss it anyway. They're just that great.

*I think I enjoy this bullet point blogging stuff. It kinda keeps me from getting too long winded and boring the snot out of everyone!

The end.