Red, yellow, blue, green, orange....and everything above, beyond and inbetween. (I'm not even sure how to get this entry started....discussing such a topic wouldn't normally have me stumbling, however I'm now on edge about it and am fearful I will say something that gets misconstrued. I'm even doubting my use of correct terms.) So, here goes... I was recently accused of being racist. I've been called names, I've been criticized, I've had people say some not very nice things to me. Nothing has stung and been as hurtful as being called a racist. -Racism: -noun 1)a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others 2) hatred or intolerance of another race or races No, no no no NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!! This is so not me. This is so not anyone I know. I admit I did grow up in a small Nova Scotia town. Diversity wasn't something my little fishing town was known for. Yes, we had a variety of people but the majority of the population was, and still is, caucasian. However, my parents, as did most parents, taught to be open and accepting of others, regardless of their shape, size or the color of their skin. There were a few people in my town who were intolerant, however my family were not among them. I have a fairly diverse group of friends of varying shapes, sizes and colors. They are from various places around the world, have different religious beliefs, family upbringings, and sexual orientations. When this lady accused me of being racist I wanted to provide her with list of phone numbers for my friends so they could tell her for themselves that I am not, in fact, a racist. Some of my favorite guests and clients at work are of varying ethnicities. I personally find people of varying backgrounds, upbringings and ethnicities to be fascinating. I enjoy hearing how the various factors influence and have shaped them to who they are now. Whether it be someone with a not so great upbringing or someone who had a fabulous one, I enjoy (is enjoy the right word?) hearing and learning about the various people and cultures out there. I have been off work for a few days. This incident took place during my last shift at work. We've had a large conference of a few hundred people of a certain ethnicity inhouse all week. I am terrified to go back. What has this lady told the others about me? Not only does it reflect terribly on me, it reflects horribly on the hotel. I'm honestly anxious and nervous. I've done this line of work for 12 years. You don't make it 12 years on the front desk of various hotels if you're racist. My boss and others are telling me to not worry, don't let it bother me. Yeah, how do I don't let something like that bother me? How do I not take it personally? How do I not feel on edge? I feel like I could burst into tears at the drop of a hat. This isn't someone saying they disagree with me on a certain topic. This is someone telling me I don't like people who aren't blonde haired and blue eyed. Thats big. Huge. And it couldn't be further from the truth if it tried. PS: sorry the formatting on this entry sucks. I've formatted and reformatted and editted.....I can't get the paragraphs to separate. Ugh.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
The colors of the rainbow
Red, yellow, blue, green, orange....and everything above, beyond and inbetween. (I'm not even sure how to get this entry started....discussing such a topic wouldn't normally have me stumbling, however I'm now on edge about it and am fearful I will say something that gets misconstrued. I'm even doubting my use of correct terms.) So, here goes... I was recently accused of being racist. I've been called names, I've been criticized, I've had people say some not very nice things to me. Nothing has stung and been as hurtful as being called a racist. -Racism: -noun 1)a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others 2) hatred or intolerance of another race or races No, no no no NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!! This is so not me. This is so not anyone I know. I admit I did grow up in a small Nova Scotia town. Diversity wasn't something my little fishing town was known for. Yes, we had a variety of people but the majority of the population was, and still is, caucasian. However, my parents, as did most parents, taught to be open and accepting of others, regardless of their shape, size or the color of their skin. There were a few people in my town who were intolerant, however my family were not among them. I have a fairly diverse group of friends of varying shapes, sizes and colors. They are from various places around the world, have different religious beliefs, family upbringings, and sexual orientations. When this lady accused me of being racist I wanted to provide her with list of phone numbers for my friends so they could tell her for themselves that I am not, in fact, a racist. Some of my favorite guests and clients at work are of varying ethnicities. I personally find people of varying backgrounds, upbringings and ethnicities to be fascinating. I enjoy hearing how the various factors influence and have shaped them to who they are now. Whether it be someone with a not so great upbringing or someone who had a fabulous one, I enjoy (is enjoy the right word?) hearing and learning about the various people and cultures out there. I have been off work for a few days. This incident took place during my last shift at work. We've had a large conference of a few hundred people of a certain ethnicity inhouse all week. I am terrified to go back. What has this lady told the others about me? Not only does it reflect terribly on me, it reflects horribly on the hotel. I'm honestly anxious and nervous. I've done this line of work for 12 years. You don't make it 12 years on the front desk of various hotels if you're racist. My boss and others are telling me to not worry, don't let it bother me. Yeah, how do I don't let something like that bother me? How do I not take it personally? How do I not feel on edge? I feel like I could burst into tears at the drop of a hat. This isn't someone saying they disagree with me on a certain topic. This is someone telling me I don't like people who aren't blonde haired and blue eyed. Thats big. Huge. And it couldn't be further from the truth if it tried. PS: sorry the formatting on this entry sucks. I've formatted and reformatted and editted.....I can't get the paragraphs to separate. Ugh.
Friday, March 25, 2011
To bang or not to bang....
THAT is the question.
One of the girls at work recently asked me when I was going to cut my hair. I've kinda mentioned in passing I'd like to have short, low/no maintenance hair, but I don't think I'm ballsy enough to do it.
Right now its below my shoulder blades which is the longest I've had it in years. But the way it works with me is I have it long for awhile then one day I'll get tired of it and chop it off to above my shoulders.
Part of my thought of going short is I want a change. I always do the a variation of the same general style: layers. Always long enough to tuck behind my ears to get it out of my face. I've tried inverted bobs, which I also liked. I've finally found a color I enjoy as well. I had always just done blonde streaks for years. Then my hair lady suggested putting a second color in as well. So now I do blonde and red = LOVE.
However, we're coming into spring and summer (apparently, they tell me) which means, hopefully, warmer weather. Which also means humidity. When its hot and sticky the last thing I want is hair sticking to the back of my neck. I need to be able to pull it back and get it out of the way. I don't like the heat on a good day, nevermind having my hair annoy the crap out of me too. So, *if* I go short(er) it won't be until the fall. I'll likely go for trims before then but any major changes won't be until the end of the summer.
Bangs. I've had them before., when I was 17. They made me look like I was 12.Mind you at that time I also had a face full of braces so I'm sure that didn't help any. Now, I'm 10 years brace free and am wondering how bangs would work on me now. My one concern is my hair parts naturally smack in the middle. I don't want to have to fight with them on a daily basis, particularly at 5:30am, to get them to go where they're supposed to. I also have this one little clump of hair by my forehead that curls into a ringlet on occasion, most days, though, its just a little bent out of shape. So, I'm toying with the idea of bangs...it would be a change. Longer ones, so I can pin them to the side if I need to get them out of the way.
Hmmm.......
One of the girls at work recently asked me when I was going to cut my hair. I've kinda mentioned in passing I'd like to have short, low/no maintenance hair, but I don't think I'm ballsy enough to do it.
Right now its below my shoulder blades which is the longest I've had it in years. But the way it works with me is I have it long for awhile then one day I'll get tired of it and chop it off to above my shoulders.
Part of my thought of going short is I want a change. I always do the a variation of the same general style: layers. Always long enough to tuck behind my ears to get it out of my face. I've tried inverted bobs, which I also liked. I've finally found a color I enjoy as well. I had always just done blonde streaks for years. Then my hair lady suggested putting a second color in as well. So now I do blonde and red = LOVE.
However, we're coming into spring and summer (apparently, they tell me) which means, hopefully, warmer weather. Which also means humidity. When its hot and sticky the last thing I want is hair sticking to the back of my neck. I need to be able to pull it back and get it out of the way. I don't like the heat on a good day, nevermind having my hair annoy the crap out of me too. So, *if* I go short(er) it won't be until the fall. I'll likely go for trims before then but any major changes won't be until the end of the summer.
Bangs. I've had them before., when I was 17. They made me look like I was 12.
Mind you at that time I also had a face full of braces so I'm sure that didn't help any. Now, I'm 10 years brace free and am wondering how bangs would work on me now. My one concern is my hair parts naturally smack in the middle. I don't want to have to fight with them on a daily basis, particularly at 5:30am, to get them to go where they're supposed to. I also have this one little clump of hair by my forehead that curls into a ringlet on occasion, most days, though, its just a little bent out of shape. So, I'm toying with the idea of bangs...it would be a change. Longer ones, so I can pin them to the side if I need to get them out of the way.Hmmm.......
Monday, March 21, 2011
love the skin you're in
Easier said than done these days, I find.
Yesterday I had an awful body image day. I was just having one of those blah, unmovtivated days. I didn't want to do anything. I got to work and was just not in the mood for it. On top of all that I was having a day where I was feeling extra fat. And today I'm still feeling behemoth-like. At least I know when these feelings hit they are generally short lived. A couple of days later they're gone.
I'm a bigger girl. I know this. And generally this doesn't overly bother me. Do I want to lose some weight? Yes, but for health reasons for the most part. I honestly have ZERO desire to been an itty-bitty. I don't care to be a size 2. When I was younger, in high school, when I was more active (riding horses daily, swimming, playing volley ball a few times a week) I was still 155-160lbs. Not huge but not small by any means. Of course being a teen with a skewed view I thought I was ginormous. Oh how wrong I was.
Back to losing weight. Yeah, I need to. However, thanks to effed up horomones getting 10lbs off is so beyond difficult. I'm not saying its easy for anyone. I'm aware that its hard work for anyone out there to get a few pounds off. However, when your body chemistry is working against you thats just another hurdle to clamber over along the way.
I eat relatively well. Like everyone I have slip ups but generally speaking my diet isn't so bad. I know I have a carb addiction so I try to be careful with my carb intake. I love pasta, instead of white pasta I go for multigrain and make my own sauce to reduce the amount of sugar. I love omlettes for breakfast. Instead of whole eggs I use egg whites only. I love fish, eat little red meat, and eat chicken on occasion. I try to limit my sugar intake. I do, however, have a Coke addiction which I am trying to kick now. I'm not a huge fruit fan, never have been, but I do try. I love veggies so eat a ton of them.
And coming up over the next few months and into next year I have several functions taking place where being dressed up is going to be required. Yup, that means dresses. And if you know me I don't do dresses. Shorts? Sure. Pants? Yup. Dresses? Nope. Why? I'll be honest and say its not because its a dress. Its because unless I'm able to wear nylons my thighs rub and chaffe which gets uncomfortable and sometimes painful. So for that reason I do not like dresses or skirts. However, with weddings to go to and one to be in, engagement parties and other functions that will require some element of being dressed up being able to wear a cute dress and not have to worry about rubbage would be nice.
So yeah, these days I'm feeling extra fat, extra lumpy and dumpy, and extra blah. I know everyone at some point or another will likely deal with similar feelings toward their body, so I know I'm not alone and I know this isn't just a "big girl" issue. I'm just not happy in my skin right now and can't seem to find the motivation to try to do anything about it.
Yesterday I had an awful body image day. I was just having one of those blah, unmovtivated days. I didn't want to do anything. I got to work and was just not in the mood for it. On top of all that I was having a day where I was feeling extra fat. And today I'm still feeling behemoth-like. At least I know when these feelings hit they are generally short lived. A couple of days later they're gone.
I'm a bigger girl. I know this. And generally this doesn't overly bother me. Do I want to lose some weight? Yes, but for health reasons for the most part. I honestly have ZERO desire to been an itty-bitty. I don't care to be a size 2. When I was younger, in high school, when I was more active (riding horses daily, swimming, playing volley ball a few times a week) I was still 155-160lbs. Not huge but not small by any means. Of course being a teen with a skewed view I thought I was ginormous. Oh how wrong I was.
Back to losing weight. Yeah, I need to. However, thanks to effed up horomones getting 10lbs off is so beyond difficult. I'm not saying its easy for anyone. I'm aware that its hard work for anyone out there to get a few pounds off. However, when your body chemistry is working against you thats just another hurdle to clamber over along the way.
I eat relatively well. Like everyone I have slip ups but generally speaking my diet isn't so bad. I know I have a carb addiction so I try to be careful with my carb intake. I love pasta, instead of white pasta I go for multigrain and make my own sauce to reduce the amount of sugar. I love omlettes for breakfast. Instead of whole eggs I use egg whites only. I love fish, eat little red meat, and eat chicken on occasion. I try to limit my sugar intake. I do, however, have a Coke addiction which I am trying to kick now. I'm not a huge fruit fan, never have been, but I do try. I love veggies so eat a ton of them.
And coming up over the next few months and into next year I have several functions taking place where being dressed up is going to be required. Yup, that means dresses. And if you know me I don't do dresses. Shorts? Sure. Pants? Yup. Dresses? Nope. Why? I'll be honest and say its not because its a dress. Its because unless I'm able to wear nylons my thighs rub and chaffe which gets uncomfortable and sometimes painful. So for that reason I do not like dresses or skirts. However, with weddings to go to and one to be in, engagement parties and other functions that will require some element of being dressed up being able to wear a cute dress and not have to worry about rubbage would be nice.
So yeah, these days I'm feeling extra fat, extra lumpy and dumpy, and extra blah. I know everyone at some point or another will likely deal with similar feelings toward their body, so I know I'm not alone and I know this isn't just a "big girl" issue. I'm just not happy in my skin right now and can't seem to find the motivation to try to do anything about it.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Lions and tigers and bears...OH MY!
OK, so there aren't any lions, tigers or bears. But OH MY this summer is looking like its going to be pretty darn fantastic!July: one weekend is my friend's engagement party. Still not sure of the details surrounding that as the
Later in the month takes me for a couple of days to New Brunswick for the U2 concert with Nancy and Steph! SO. EXCITED! I've never been to a concert before so this should be fun!
August: my friend Kim is visiting from Alberta for a couple of weeks. She's due to have her first baby in May so she is coming home this summer to bring the wee one for a visit with the grand parents, and so Auntie Erin can meet him/her! I'm quite excited for that!
August will take me back to New Brunswick for a wedding weekend. Quite looking forward to that as well!
My birthday is also in August. Not that I ever do anything big and exciting, but it does add to the fun of it.
September: both nieces birthdays are in September. Its been awhile since we've had little kid bdays to celebrate in our family so this will be fun. One niece will be 5 and starts school this year and the other turns 1!! I'm already coming up with fun ideas for them! Pinata making anyone?
September and October are also my favorite months of the year. The weather is still nice but not too hot (I don't like the heat) and the colors of the leaves start changing. Yes, it means winter is coming but I LOVE fall. I would love it to be fall all year.
A friend of mine has also asked if I would take some photos of her kidlets sometime this summer, so will factor that in somewhere along the way as well. I also have a list of a few places I want to go to take some photos, and a list of places I want to go hike.
And I'm sure I'll pick up a few extra activities along the way as well. But right now its looking like this summer is going to be pretty great!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Passion
I've come to realize lately I have no idea what my passion(s) in life is/are. No sweet idea.There are things in life that make me happy, that make me smile, but are they my passion? I've done a bit of reading lately on how to discover one's passion (mostly done to avoid studying for my exam that is tomorrow that I have yet to crack a book for....clearly school is not one of my passions!). I'm not expecting an article to clearly point it out for me: "Hey Erin, THIS is YOUR passion in life. Here ya go! Enjoy!". I'm hoping that it gets me thinking, gets the brain juices flowing and may possibly point me in the right direction in coming to figure it all out.
What do you find easy?
Usually what you find easy to do will be related to what you are passionate about. Good at playing piano? You'll find the task easier and therefore more enjoyable. Fun leads to happiness and happiness often leads to passion. Take a look at everything you do, particularly those things you find fun and easy, this may well lead you to your passion.
What sparks your creativity?
Think of something in your life where you seem to always expand its horizon, always coming up with new, fun and exciting ideas relating to the subject.
What would you do for free?
Since most things these days are driven by the almighty dollar. Unfortunately this drives most people to focus on making money first not on what makes them happy. Doing what makes you the happiest without thinking about whether or not it will make you rich you will end up being successful. Doing what you are passionate about brings out your best which leads to greatness.
What do you like to talk about?
The topics of our conversations can definitely tell us what we are interested in, and are great ways to find out what we really enjoy in life. Often we are not aware of these things. Which is why it may be a good idea to ask a few friends. Ask them what they feel you like to talk about the most. Ask them what topic(s) make your eyes light up and change your overall behaviour in that moment.
What makes you unafraid of failure?
When we do what we are passionate about we have total confidence in our abilities. This makes us not worry about failing. How can we fail when we are doing what we absolutely love?
What would you regret not having tried?
We all have dreams, and somehow life pushes us in many directions away from these dreams. If you were at the end of your life what would you regret not having tried? What would you have liked to do, but didn't? There is nothing worse that coming to the end of a journey with regrets. Live your life without regrets.
I want to find something that excites me, that gets me, willingly, out of bed early on a Saturday morning. I want to find that something (or somethings) that have me screaming "I'M ALIVE!" from the rooftops. I want to not be afraid to try new things, and not be afraid to make mistakes along the way. And time. I need to stop using the "I'm so busy, I don't have time" excuse. Really, Erin? Really? You're not that busy. Yeah, I work full time and am doing an part time online course, but thats it. I have time. Stop making excuses.
I am secretly envious of those out there who live their lives with such enthusiasm. Thats not to say I want to be one of those nausiatingly bubbly people (I work with one of those, and she irritates the crap out of me), but I want to be enthusiastic about something in my life. I want something to get my blood flowing, wakes up my brain and gets me jazzed. I'm sure this won't be an overnight process, but hopefully I'll have an Oprah "a-ha" moment before too long and will be well on my way to living my passion.
"The most powerful weapon on Earth is the human soul on fire" -Field Marshal Ferdinand Foch
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Enough already
Ugh.
What a $hitty week, and not just for me, it seems to be a universally craptacular week for many:
Seriously, what gives?
Enough. I'm done playing this un-fun game. Bring back some normalcy now please.
What a $hitty week, and not just for me, it seems to be a universally craptacular week for many:
- My grandfather passed away a week ago today
- On the day of his funeral mom's great-great aunt passed away
- M, a girl I work with, her husband had a stroke
- T, a guy I work with, his mother passed away
- On my first day back to work after being off for a week for Gramp's funeral I had to call an ambulance for a suspected overdose
- I got kicked in the arse by the flu on Sunday. I haven't been this sick in a long time
- Plus I have a few other friends going through their own heartaches, losses, trials and tribulations right now.
Seriously, what gives?
Enough. I'm done playing this un-fun game. Bring back some normalcy now please.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Memories
This is how I wish to remember my Grampie:
This photo was taken a few years ago but this is him, at what I guess is Christmas dinner, a plate full, smile on his face and free-flowing wine.
Those are bottles of homemade wine, made by his very hands. He was a fabulous wine maker, it was something he greatly enjoyed. Among other things, it was what he was known for in the community. You name it he's probably made a wine of out it: strawberry, blueberry, cranberry, currant, dandelion...the list goes on.
He, in his younger years, dabbled in carving wooden ducks. He also enjoyed reading and almost always had a puzzle in the works. He enjoyed time with friends, usually playing cribbage, or sitting playing guitar with some of the men in the community. By trade he was a butcher.
Beyond all that, and more importantly, he was a father, a grandfather, great grandfather, brother and uncle. The father t0 3 boys and 3 girls, grandfather to 11, great grandfather to 5. Sadly, he was predeceased by one of his sons many years ago. I can only hope that he and my uncle are sitting together by a fire, working on a puzzle, with plentiful wine.
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