working against me

Thats how I feel today.

I feel like everything and everyone is working against me today.

My mother and I have been doing a lot of arguing lately. About everything. She often brings up points that we have discussed MANY times in the past, yet she doesn't remember the details which makes me feel like she doesn't listen to me. She may hear me, but she isn't really listening to me. Or she'll mention something in conversation and I'll be like "um, what? you didn't tell me that" and of couse she'll insist she did. And most of the time its sorta major stuff that I know I would have remembered had she told me. There have also been times she hasn't told me things at all, not even in passing. Ex:

Just after my ex and I split a friend of mine passed away. I found out a month later from a mutual friend: "why weren't you at D's funeral? I could really have used you there.". Um, D's what? I had no idea. So I called mom and asked her what had happened. She rationalized not telling me about a friend's passing because she figured I had enough to deal with after leaving my ex. Ugh!

See, stuff like that. It frustrates the hell out of me.

Yeah, I majorly feel like she doesn't listen to me. And I don't trust her to keep what I tell her between us. Too many times in the past I've told her things and she's turned around and told her friends and eventually it has gotten back around to me. Gee, thanks mom. You know those words "just between you and I", yeah, I really mean that when I say it.

We've talked a couple times since our last argument and its strained. Trying to talk to her about how I'm feeling will be a fruitless effort. Trust me. I've tried. It gets me no where and only leads to another fight.

And I've got a ton on the brain lately and feel like I've got no one to talk to about it. My roomie is still in Van. she was supposed to be home this week but decided to put it off until early September. My other good friend S is away in Labrado working until early September. My new roomie and I talk but I don't know her well enough yet to really feel like I can talk to her about certain things. I do have a few fantastic online friends (thanks - you know who you are!) but its just not quite the same as having face-to-face girl talk, ya know?

I'm stressed over this work situation. I'm stressed and frustrated over this stuff with my mother. I've cut ties with certain family members a few months ago which is causing some tension. My father, while he doesn't like it, understands. My mother insists I make amends with them. Its fine and dandy for her to say that, however she lives 2hrs away and only sees them a handful of times a year. I live 10mins away. Visiting with them is painful. And draining. There's also family drama surrounding the familial cottage: dad and his 2 brothers have joint ownership of it. One brother doesn't use it but happily pays his share of the taxes every year. Another brother uses it but wants to make all these changes to it that are going to be costly, and since everyone else disagrees he wants to sell it. I love that place and will be pissed and devastated if it gets sold. Dad assures me he won't let that happen.

Myself and one of my brothers are adopted. I recently found out my brother got some of his non-identifying info. He learned a lot about the circumstances surrounding his adoption. So I've got that on the brain and have been thinking about finding my info. However I'm too chicken to ask my parents about this because of the issues I have communicating with my mother.

I just feel stuck and super frustrated.