When one door closes....

...another will open. Right?

Closure. FINALLY.

After a week of being on a crazy emotional roller coaster, crying, wondering what the hell happened to make him just drop off the face of the earth. As you are all aware I was having a hard time moving forward. I know eventually I would have moved on, but it is SO hard when you don't have answers, and it makes the process exponentially longer.

And now I know. Now I know it has NOTHING to do with me, and has EVERYTHING to do with him. I know its nothing I did or didn't do, or said or didn't say.

Yes I fell head over heels for him. I fell big time. I took my wall down, let him in and was swept away. And then he hurt me. And while I don't expect anyone to understand, I really don't wish him any ill will. I'm not angry at him, I'm angry at the situation and that it happened. I do truly hope his new job works out and he gets his health stuff sorted out. I really do.

I have just learned over the past few years that somethings just aren't worth getting all out of sorts over. Being angry and bitter aren't going to do me any good. Infact they'll only make me feel worse. I know it would make sense for me to be angry and want to give him cement shoes and send him for a swim in the harbour!

The best part: he has no idea that I know. So there is a chance once the dust settles that he'll try again. And I'll cross that bridge if/when it comes. My roomie and I were joking last night about all the ways we could "get him": track her down and enlighten her to the situation to.....well, you name it we thought of it! However, I don't really want to stir up and get myself mixed up in any more drama. I've met her a few times, she knows where I work, so if she put two and two together it wouldn't take much for her to figure out how to find me.

But really, I am OK. I really am. I didn't once check my phone yesterday for a missed text. When the phone rang I didn't get the pang of excitement hoping it was him. I got up this morning, made my coffee and realized I really am OK. I know now that its done and he's gone. And its OK.

And better I find this out now than 6 months or 3 years down the road.

So there ya go: onwards and upwards!