Because I can't stop crying.
Twice so far today I've spontaneously burst into tears.
I've been a stress-ball lately. I'm aware of this. This work situation has really got me freaked out. I've been assured by the powers that be that I don't have to worry about not having a job to come to. Head office has already advised they will not be shutting us down, which is a bit of a relief. Its just going to be rough and its going to suck a lot if/when 95% of our staff walk out on Friday. So to say I'm stressed and anxious is an understatement.
And P. I don't know whats going on with him/us. I know I need to talk to him, but that would be so much easier if I was able to get ahold of him. He went away, again, on Saturday and didn't get back until this morning at some point. I assume now he's at work since he was scheduled today, tomorrow being his last day. He starts his new job on Monday.
I just don't know. I like him. A lot. He knows this, I've told him. Things seem to have gotten weird ever since I went away on vacation. He and I hung out that Tuesday morning, then I went away, I came back and he went away, then last week I went back to work, he's been away the past 3 weekends. I tried to steal him for a few mins on Saturday at work, but that didn't happen. He left early to go away again. When he left he told me he'd see me when he got back. (usually he says "I'll talk to you when I get back". To me there is a difference between "see you" and "talk to you" but who knows if the male brain sees the difference). I shot him a text a few hours ago to say hi and to see if he's feeling any better (he was still quite sick on Saturday when he left). He hasn't responded. Now, if he may be at work and busy so can't. Fair enough.
I just think my patience are running out. I like him. I really really do. And I want it to work. However, I don't know what to do. I suppose there isn't anything I can do. The only thing I can do right now is sit here, feel bad for myself, wonder when it'll be my turn to meet someone and be happy.......and cry. I sure can cry. I'm not sure I can make it stop.
This is what happens when I open myself up, let someone in. Vulnerability and I don't do well together - it only means I'm going to get sucker punched.
Hugs Erin. I understand your frustration, I think you have every right to be frustrated and feeling a little bit down! This guy is kind of giving you mixed signals, if you ask me. Sure, he's busy, we can give him that pass, he was sick, okay, but well, it only takes a minute to make a phone call and even less to send a text just to check in and say hi or whatever.
ReplyDeleteDry your eyes, do something that makes you happy, and let him come to you!
*Hugs*
ReplyDeleteHe better get his act together....