love the skin you're in

Easier said than done these days, I find.

Yesterday I had an awful body image day. I was just having one of those blah, unmovtivated days. I didn't want to do anything. I got to work and was just not in the mood for it. On top of all that I was having a day where I was feeling extra fat. And today I'm still feeling behemoth-like. At least I know when these feelings hit they are generally short lived. A couple of days later they're gone.

I'm a bigger girl. I know this. And generally this doesn't overly bother me. Do I want to lose some weight? Yes, but for health reasons for the most part. I honestly have ZERO desire to been an itty-bitty. I don't care to be a size 2. When I was younger, in high school, when I was more active (riding horses daily, swimming, playing volley ball a few times a week) I was still 155-160lbs. Not huge but not small by any means. Of course being a teen with a skewed view I thought I was ginormous. Oh how wrong I was.

Back to losing weight. Yeah, I need to. However, thanks to effed up horomones getting 10lbs off is so beyond difficult. I'm not saying its easy for anyone. I'm aware that its hard work for anyone out there to get a few pounds off. However, when your body chemistry is working against you thats just another hurdle to clamber over along the way.

I eat relatively well. Like everyone I have slip ups but generally speaking my diet isn't so bad. I know I have a carb addiction so I try to be careful with my carb intake. I love pasta, instead of white pasta I go for multigrain and make my own sauce to reduce the amount of sugar. I love omlettes for breakfast. Instead of whole eggs I use egg whites only. I love fish, eat little red meat, and eat chicken on occasion. I try to limit my sugar intake. I do, however, have a Coke addiction which I am trying to kick now. I'm not a huge fruit fan, never have been, but I do try. I love veggies so eat a ton of them.

And coming up over the next few months and into next year I have several functions taking place where being dressed up is going to be required. Yup, that means dresses. And if you know me I don't do dresses. Shorts? Sure. Pants? Yup. Dresses? Nope. Why? I'll be honest and say its not because its a dress. Its because unless I'm able to wear nylons my thighs rub and chaffe which gets uncomfortable and sometimes painful. So for that reason I do not like dresses or skirts. However, with weddings to go to and one to be in, engagement parties and other functions that will require some element of being dressed up being able to wear a cute dress and not have to worry about rubbage would be nice.

So yeah, these days I'm feeling extra fat, extra lumpy and dumpy, and extra blah. I know everyone at some point or another will likely deal with similar feelings toward their body, so I know I'm not alone and I know this isn't just a "big girl" issue. I'm just not happy in my skin right now and can't seem to find the motivation to try to do anything about it.