Puppy Love

I'm spending the week housesitting. I'm currently taking care of 2 jack russells and 5 horses.

While I'm not a fan of the early mornings (the horses demand they be fed by 7:30...if not they kick the barn to pieces) I'm enjoying the canine and equine company.

I woke up this morning when both dogs took a flying leap up onto the bed and deposited themselves on top of me. Many a tail were wagging, and much of my face was licked.

As I type, the horses are outside happily munching away. There's nothing quite like happy critters!

As for whats going on with me? Not much of anything really.

My mother called yesterday and in her own weird way apologized for not being more sympathetic after my shinnanigans on Thursday.

I'm planning a visit sometime soonish to go visit my niece again. I don't see her often enough. SIL has been put off work a few months before she wanted to start her maternity leave. She has said to come down anytime, her and Miss A would welcome the company. I have a few photos of Miss A that I printed and framed that I want to take to her.

And I have to admit I'm getting VERY excited for the arrival of Miss M. I can't wait! Just a little over two months to go. I'm trying very hard not to go crazy buying all kinds of little pink things! So far I have only gotten a Montreal Canadiens little pink onesie. My brother is a Montreal fan, SIL not so much! She's a Toronto fan. I doubt she'll ever let Miss M wear the Canadiens shirt, but I got it for my brother's satisfaction!

I've also supplied them with 300 diapers. Walmart had a CRAZY sale on diapers (yeah, thats right I'm talking about diapers!) so for a great price I got them a couple boxes.

I'm also torn on what else I want to get them: a swinging/vibrating chair? A play mat? Something else? Her brother got them a crib. They have a dresser. I'll likely pick up some receiving blankets and that sort of stuff, but I want to get them useful for the babe.

I'm a little bummed I can't get the time off for vacation that i want. That completely killed plans I had with a friend to go away. That also means I have to work the weekend of my birthday. No going out for my 30th for me. I'll have to celebrate it a week early as it stands now. Or a week later. Being trapped at work is going to be great, I'm sure.

Ok, I'm off to shovel some horse poo......

It burns!

The sun that is.

I miss my younger days when I could frolic outside, in the yard or at the beach, with some SPF 15 on and be OK. I'd tan, no burn. It was glorious. Now, this is not the case.

I spent a day (and by day I mean just a couple hours) at the beach last week. I slathered on SPF60, and had a can of that spray sunscreen for my back which was SPF 30 (the spray is just easier to apply back there).

I spent a day (again, a few hours) at the beach yesterday. Again with the sunscreen.

Both days = sunburn.

And I'm not talking a little rosey. I'm RED.

I do realize that being by the water, with the reflection, intesnifies the sun. I applied sunscreen 30mins before we actually got the beach, and reapplied once I was there. And still I burn.

My days of tanning were all well and good up until about 12 years ago. I was laying out at mom and dad's reading my book. Mom came out and all I heard was: "Erin! Go jump in the pool RIGHT NOW!" I apparently was SOOOOOOO burned I had to get in the water to stop the burning process. I was a mess that night. It was a wicked burn. (in mom's words: I had a second degree sunburn, closely bordering on a 3rd degree)

And from that point on, I stopped tanning and started burning. Though at least now my burns fade out to tan instead of going from red back to pasty white.

I'm generally not a sun worshipper as I don't like the heat. However, I LOVE the water and the breeze at the beach makes being in the sun tolerable. And it was sooo relaxing yesterday. Nap worthy even. After the craptacular week I've had I needed some quiet downtime. I had my MP3 player in one hear in which I was listening to quiet, chill music and in the other ear I could hear the waves and the wind. It was bliss!

So, now I'm on a quest to find a sunscreen (or alternative) that I won't burn through. I've been hearing rumblings lately about Coconut Oil, so may research that a little further. I'm beginning to believe I need an SPF250 to keep me from burning.

And staying off the beach isn't an option. Its just too darn beautiful!

hmmmm....

Things with Mr. Maintenance continue along as they have.
He wasn't in yesterday so work was a flirt free zone! haha....
Today he was in: he magically appeared in the lunch room just after I sat down for my lunch. He called me, spficially, a few times through the day for silly things (all work related, however), he called me 20mins before I was leaving just to tell me to enjoy my days off and to relax, and joked to not call and bother him.

At one point today he had to get into the ladies room repair something. Instead of getting any of the other dozen females in the vacinity to check the washroom to make sure it was clear for him to go in he asked me.

I'm not going to lie: I like the attention.

However, before anyone goes there: he's attached, and since I've been the one at home wondering where her man was (while he was out with some other chick) this isn't even a possibility. Don't worry. I've received a few concerned emails from people i've mentioned this to. Seriously, NOT AN OPTION. I have more class than that.

Friends:

Friends:
-noun.
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile
4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.


May I draw your attention to #2, particularly the "supporter" part.

(warning: this may sound like a selfish post, but I don't care....)

I'd like to send out a great big thank you to all my friends who were less than supportive when I came to them after Thursday's events.

I have had more responses like:
"I'm sure she didn't mean it"
"It doesn't sound like it was as bad as you were making it out to be"
"She sounds like she was mentally unstable, you can't really blame her for what she said"
"Ok, so it happened. Big Deal. I don't see why you're stressing."
"You just have to get used to these things happening" (that one actually came from my mother)

You know what, screw all of you who said things like that to me. How dare you. All I asked for was a hug. Thats it. I didn't expect any of you to understand the situation I was in as I suspect not many, or any, of you have ever had someone threaten to put a bullet in you, and do it quite convincingly.

I'm so tired of people making light of my stress and anxiety over this. I put on my big girl pants and went back to work the very next day; less than 24hrs after this lunatic told me she was going to put a bullet in me. I stood at the very same computer, in the very same spot I was in when it all went down. I got back on the horse, and have so far made it through relatively unscathed.

No, I'm not looking for everyone to grovel and coddle me. All I wanted was for my friends to just be there for me. I realize I have family and friends spread out across the globe so a physical hug is pretty well impossible, however a kind word can go just as far.

And mom: telling me to get used to these things was I think the most hurtful of them all. You're my mother. I called you to tell you how horrifying my day was after some nutbar told me she was going to shoot me and that is all you can say? Gee, thanks.

This happened to me and I came to the people I thought would be there for me. As it turns out, precious few of them actually were. As it turns out, I got more support from my Lounge friends than I did my "real life" friends. My coworkers were fantastic. I received a few phone calls asking how i was throughout the weekend. They're all willing to listen if I feel like talking. I work with a great bunch of people.

It just irks me how people can be so oblivious to someone's feelings. Don't tell me how I should be feeling unless/until (God forbid) you wind up in my shoes one day.

Most of you know I'm not a selfish person. I don't ask for much. However, when I came to you all, my long time friends, in a time of need, I was left standing in the cold.

Thanks, thanks a lot.

Ok, moving along....

Its been not quite 4 days since all this crap went down.
Thursday night I didn't sleep.
Friday I slept about 3 hours.
Saturday I got about 4hrs.
Here it is Sunday and I'm running on 7hrs of sleep. I NEED 8hrs a night to function. You can imagine how well this is working out for me.

I close my eyes and I see her face. I can hear those words.
Damn her for doing this to me. Where does she get off?

Friday when I went back to work I was staring down anything and everything that moved. Needless to say I was a tad jumpy.

Saturday a little less jumpy but still VERY much aware of what was going on around me.

I'm going to admit that I'm TERRIFIED she's going to come back. The police assure me due to her mental state she likely won't remember me or where she was or what she said. Um, 'likely won't'? What if she does? What if her cognitive ability is better than you think it is? You also told me she LIKELY didn't have the mental capacity to operate a gun. Um, it doesn't take that much to be able to bend your finger around a trigger. It also wouldn't have taken much for her to have hit me given I was standing only 4 feet from her. And let's be honest here, I'm a 200+lb target....its not like she'd be aiming at a flea. The police were great through this whole thing, but its those two statements that keep running through my head.

My heart still races. I'm still on the brink of tears.
During the day isn't so bad. At night when I try to settle into sleep my head kicks into overdrive. I see her grey-headed face. I hear her raspy voice.

I've never really experienced shock or adrenaline before, at least not in a situation like this. I got tunnel vision. I only saw her. I forgot who else was in the building with me aside from two other people: my hotel manager and my conceirge. That was it. I had tuned out so much I didn't even think to call 911 until someone standing in the lobby suggested I do so. I know adrenaline kicks in for a reason, but it would be nice if it could do so without making me want to hurl.

If anyone is wondering: yes, your life does sort of flash before your eyes.

I'm just glad its over and I'm glad it ended the way it did. I'm only 2 months away from turning 30- I've got lots of time left before I'm ready to go.

Mr. Maintenance

So, remember the maintenance guy I mentioned in my post a few days ago?

Ok.....

I'm at work yesterday. An anxious ball of nerves after my little incident the day before (if you're someone who is on the board, see my DAY FROM HELL post). I get a phone call at 5:30: "can you come to the maintenance office? I need to talk to you." Um, ok. I had no idea what he wanted to talk about.

Turns out, the conversation he wanted to have was work related. Long story short he got screwed out of the Maintenance Manager position he had busted his hump to work towards. In talking to him I told him I thought him not getting it had nothing to do with our hotel manager it likely came from above him for whatever reason. He wasn't sure if he was going to stay and work under the guy that now has the job he wanted, or if he was going to leave.

I told him it sucked he didn't get the job (which is true, most of us at work were pulling for him). He thanked me for listening to him.

Later that night he called me at work after he was off. I was busy so my colleague told him I'd call him back. So I did. He said he just wanted to call me to tell me he figured out what he's going to do in relation to the job. He's going to stick it out for awhile. I told him he has enough people in the hotel that wanted him to stay and don't want to see him go, though would likely understand if he did.

As the conversation went on he said several times how well he and I get along and he feels like he can talk to me. He also said when he was talking to me in the office he almost broke down in tears. I told him I had noticed he was upset, and joked that I didn't do well with guys that cry. He said he's a retired soldier, they don't cry. I told him not to worry about it that everyone has a soft side, even I do.

It was this point that he got upset at me for not calling him on Thursday when my "incident" was taking place. I tried to tell him that as it was happening I totally forget he, and most everyone else, were in the building. The only two people I knew were there were the hotel manager and our conceirge guy. Hell, I didn't even think to call 911 until someone reminded me that would likely be a good idea. He was not happy with me that I didn't call him. He did come out when he heard what was going on, but stayed out front with all the guys that had come running to my rescue when they heard what was happening. (apparently he had been by the pool and saw the kitchen guys and others go running, so he followed suit to see what was going on). Literally, I went blank and forgot that anyone else was in the building.

Aaanyway,.....

So, let's do some math here:

he and I do the flirty thing at work. its fun. its what we do. We talk like "hi, how are ya" kinda thing at work but not much beyond that.

then out of nowhere he called me at home on Wednesday morning
then called again Wednesday evening
then on Friday he called me to his office so he could talk to me
then on Friday evening he called me again to talk

Am I the only one who is noticing a pattern here, or am I imagining things?

Chance

Chance was one of mom's cats. She found us several years ago.
One winter mom and I noticed she had been hanging around our house. Her and I being cat lovers couldn't just leave her out in the cold to fend for herself. So, mom and I fed her, secretly, in the garage. After a few days of doing this mom agreed we could keep her IF the vet said she was healthy, and if I wanted to keep her I would have to pay for her initial vet visit.

So I did. I was maybe 16 or so and scrounged enough to pay for her vet visit.

The vet cleared her so she came home with us.

The last little while she had been losing weight. She was getting older so we figured this was part of her getting older.

Mom always brings the cats in at night. We live in an area where its not unheard of for a coyote, a racoon, or an owl to grab a cat. The other night when she left for work for an all night shift she told dad to call her in so she wasn't out all night. Of course, he didn't. Mom came home and there was the cat sitting on the front step drenched. Mom brought her in and fed her. She spent most of the day sleeping.

That night Chancey passed away.

Her getting older and losing weight coupled with her getting wet and cold that night she just didn't recover. She is now resting, buried in my parents' yard with our other furbabes that have passed on.

She was a tempermental, moody feline. But we loved her. She only liked to be pet on her terms, when she was good and ready. She was above playing with anything. She was just too good for such things. She wouldn't eat unless you touched her food dish for her first. Forget drinking out of the dish, the fish bowl was so much better. And she was a hunter extraordinaire. That cat could take down anything she wanted to. And she was quite pleased with herself when she left her prize on the front door step for you to find.

She wasn't a cuddley cat. I was the only one whose lap she would curl up on. When ever I was home she would glue herself to me. I'd sit with a cushion from the sofa on my lap and she'd sleep for hours on me.

And purr. That cat could purr. She'd rival a Mack truck any time. You couldn't sleep with her on the bed, you'd never be able to tune her out.

She was a fabulous cat and I'll miss her terribly. I know she wasn't mine, perse, but I footed the bill for her to stay with us. I've always considered her to be mine.

~*~

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Can double as maternity

Ugh.

I just want to throw out an idea for clothing manufacturers:

PLEASE DO NOT LABEL PLUS SIZE CLOTHING WITH "CAN DOUBLE AS MATERNITY".

Really, I promise you'll sell more if you don't.

I was shopping yesterday with a friend of mine. I picked up something (a top, maybe..I really don't remember), thought it was cute, liked it, it was something I'd actually wear, then in checking the tag for the price I see "DOUBLES AS MATERNITY". Ugh. Back on the rack it went.

Really, is putting that on the tags absolutely necessary.

Not that there is anything wrong with the pregnant body. In fact, I enjoy seeing pregnant bellies. However, I don't have a pregnant body and don't want to know that the clothing I'm wearing can drape a pregnant body.

I also want to know why things like bras, undies and bathing suits for plus-girls are so blah. (sorry Mel if this sounds like I'm stealing your blog post idea. This frustrates me too).

Bras: I want support and structure. I don't want cone-boobs. And dammit I want cute too.

I want support without having a dozen hooks to contend with.
I want structure to hold the girls in, and hold them up.
I do not want to have pointy boobs that could rival Madonna.
I want pretty colors, cute patterns, and a little lace never hurt anyone.

Why is it so difficult to make that happen?

I'm a D cup and have a heck of a time finding lovely bras.
I have a few LaSenza bras that are pretty colors, which is at least a start. They don't do much for support, but at least they're pretty.

Then I have the white nightmares. The purely functional contraptions that are not at all attractive.

I can find a billion bras in colors and patterns that I love that all come in sizes under a C cup. Anything bigger than that just don't come in the same styles. I don't need 15 bras in beige. I crave red, blue, green....ah the possibilities! Is it really that impossible to translate the smaller ones into big-boob appropriate bras? I find it frustrating at a size D, I can't imagine how my size E-F friend feels.

Same goes for bathing suits. I love the suits that are mostly a solid color with a punch of color with a flower, usually over one boob or the other. I LOVE those. And blast if I can find one in my size. Size, 0-12, no problem. Anything else, forget it. I also don't want to feel like I'm wearing a tent. Do I want to be covered? Yes. Do I want to feel like I'm wearing Barnum & Bailey's Big Top? Nope. I don't want to feel like I'm wearing my grandmother's suit.

Why can't functionality meet attractiveness and spawn a lovely bra/bathing suit to please those of us who need a little more oomph?

Beach, Bathing Suit, Boy

Beach: totally spent the afternoon at the beach. It was warm but not too warm, which is good since I HATE the heat. It was super pretty too. The beach got quite crowded fairly quickly, which was a bit of a bummer, but we stayed hunkered down on our blanket, plugged in to some tunes and soaked up the rays.

Speaking of rays: I'm burned. Worse than I thought I was. And through sunscreen. Apparently SPF60 isn't enough. Ugh.

Bathing Suit: My friend and I stopped on our way home from the beach to look for new bathing suits. I only have two and wanted another one just to have some variety. She wanted one because her and her bf are going to Jamaica in a few weeks. In cruising the store I noticed they had bikinis (not tankinis) in plus sizes. In thinking outloud I wondered if there really were plus size girls that were comfortable enough to wear an actual bikini. I mean, I have one one piece and a tankini. Today I wore the tankini. Its cute, and pretty comfortable. And it covers. My friend told me I should get a bikini. I'm like "yeah, no way dude." She seems to think I'm not as big as I think I am and should try. After much deliberation, and her suggesting a sheer cover up to wear over it, I bought the darn thing. Its cute. I like the suit I just don't know if I'll ever wear it unless its under a jogging suit! Her argument is that the sheer cover up thing will ease me into it. She also said that it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks about how I look in whatever I'm wearing, if I'm comfortable then go for it. So I bought it. And now we'll see.

Boy: Oh boy. One of the maintenance guys have a flirty thing going on at work. Its fun. I enjoy it.

Here's a little background so what I'm about to tell you will make more sense:

I had to call him at 11:30 one night last week as the elevators crapped out on us. He came in and did whatever he needed to do. The next day I saw him he told me not to call him again because it was his day off this time (he was kidding, if I needed him I could call him). I didn't have to call him, so he got to enjoy his day off. I joked to the person I was working with that I should call him and just say "whatchya doing?", just to bug him. But I didn't.

Today my phone rings as I'm walking out the door to go to the beach. I vaguely recognize the number but didn't answer it (I don't answer unless I know the number) I check the message and all I hear is "whatchya doin?". I knew immediately who it was.

So we go to the beach and do our thing. I text a few of the people I work with to see who gave out my number. He had to get it from work since we don't know any of the same people outside of work. So far no one has fessed up to giving it out. I'm not mad that he has it, I just want to know who gave it to him.

I get home and the phone rings again. I didn't make it to the phone since it was upstairs and I was down. I go check the message and its him. The message said: "hey, its me. Hope you got the joke earlier. It was the only thing that brought a smile to my face today. I had a really bad day."

I did totally get the joke. It kinda made me laugh when I heard it.

I just don't know where he's going with this. He's called me at work before to check on something and we've chatted a bit, but he's never called me at home before. The flirty thing at work is fun. But I don't quite know where its going now.

#1- he's attached
#2- he's at least 15 years my senior

I guess I'll see what he says when I see him at work tomorrow.

Nappy Time

I had my first massage today. My first real massage that is.

I was nervous. Why, I don't know. Probably because I had to be pretty well naked with a total stranger. And I'm a little softer and lumpier than I'd like to be.

But it was good. We chatted before and I told her I was really only comfortable having an upper body only massage since this was my first time. She was totally cool with that.

I don't relax well. I know this. This is nothing new for me. But I tried. And I really wanted to completely relax. But my being nervous made that a bit difficult.

As soon as she touched me she knew I didn't drink enough water. And I knew she'd bring that up. I know I come up short on the aqua intake, however I do what I can.

We didn't talk much, we chatted a bit at first then I just went quiet.

I have a few spots on my back that were super sensitive. It didn't hurt but everytime she touched them my reflexes kicked in and I'd pull away. It wasn't a conscious thing, it was just happening. Poor her, she kept asking if it was too hard or if it hurt. It was neither. Just sensitive I guess. And it was only on one side. Odd.

Apparently my chest muscles were a bit tense. Holy wow did that ever hurt.

It was good and I'll definitely go again and will likely book with her. She was gentle enough for a first timer but gave me enough that I got to feel what it was like. I can only assume that the more often I go the more enjoyable they'll be.

I did learn that I can't expect to be productive after a massage. All I've wanted to do since is sleep. So now I'm off to hop in the tub for a bit, then I'm off to bed.

Headed to the beach tomorrow! Yahoo!

Say Hello to my Little Friend

I grew up having pets of many varieties: cats, dog, horses and ponies, budgies, fish...I even petsat my friends chinchilla for a few months while they were on vacation when I was 16. My earliest memories involve having animals around. I love them. They make me happy.

When my ex and I were together I moved in with a budgie in tow. Then we acquired two kitties - they and their brothers and sisters were disposed of on someone's doorstep. She called me saying she had heard I was looking for a cat (key word 'a') and would I be interested in coming to look. I told her if there was an orange kitty I would definitely take him/her. She said there was. Perfect! I get there and Mr. Orange is curled with with Mr. Grey. The cuteness was too much. I couldn't separate them. So the two came home with me.

A few weeks later Ms. Budgie died. :(

A couple months down the road we adopted a dog: a 6-month old, not housebroken, german shepherd x rottweiler. It was a good thing she was cute....her pooing all over the house the first night didn't make me so happy.

Anyway, rambling here.....my point is, I consistently had animals around me up until about 6 years ago. Since then I've not had animals. Yes, mom still has her cats and fish which I love when I'm home visiting. But they're not mine.

My roomie and I have toyed with getting a pet of some sort. Given where we live a cat would have been a good option however she's allergic. A bunny would have been OK too however we were concerned about wire chewing. A small dog would be OK but realisticallly her and I are all over the place schedule wise so it wouldn't be fair to a dog. We also considered a hamster, however when we first moved in here we had a slight mouse issue in the house so the appeal of a hamster (looking too much like a mouse to us) went away. I'd like a hedgehog, however I don't know anyone who has ever had one so I need to do some research on them and figure out whats what.

Anyway, yesterday as I was out running errands I came home with this little guy:





Everyone, meet Sushi.

My roomie started calling him Sushi last night and sadly I think it may have stuck! I'm quite pleased with him. I realize he's not a cuddley pet but he'll do the trick. Low maintenance pet! And I think I may invest in a larger tank later this year to have some more fish in. Right now he's comfy on the kitchen table, however his new home on my bookshelf in my bedroom is waiting for him to move in.